|
On Prostitutes 8/23/2000
Q. What do you call a with a runny nose?
A. Full
Q. Why do prostitutes lean on lamp posts?
A. To drain
0 Comments, 10 Views,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score
|
|
Who wants to be a millionaire? 8/23/2000
The man asks the wife if he can have some. She says no. He asks
if that is her final answer. She says yes. He asks if he can
call a friend!!
3 Comments, 57 Views,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score
|
|
women win again !!! 7/30/2000
Three men are walking in the desert when they come across a
beatiful oasis. Underneath one of the palm trees one of the men spots
something shining in the sun. After a bit of sand clearing he recovers
a lamp and yes you've guessed it after a long hard rub out pops a
beautiful female genee.
The curvacious genee princess offers them a wish each. The first
man asks for 1 ...
0 Comments, 6 Views,
1 Votes
|
|
What a reputation 7/13/2000
Jock McTavish was in his local, depressed and drowning his sorrows
with whiskey. He takes a big gulp and says to the landlord... "You see
that fence over there, I built that by all by myself, hewed and
carried the timber from the forrest, cut and set the posts, split and
hung the rails. But do they call me McTavish the fence builder - No
they don't" Jock orders another large whiskey, ...
0 Comments, 14 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
What's the difference... 7/11/2000
What's the difference between a condom and a coffin?
They both hold stiffs but one is coming and one is going.
0 Comments, 7 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
|
|
Wedding Bells 6/27/2000
Q: Why does the bride smile as she walks down the aisle to
the altar? <br>
A: Because she *knows* that she will never have to give another
blowjob again!
0 Comments, 5 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
|
|
Three beggars 6/22/2000
Three beggars are begging in New York City.
The first one wrote 'beg" on his broken steel cup and he received
ten dollars after one day.
The second one wrote "beg.com" on his cup and after one day he
received hundreds of thousand dollars. Someone even wanted to take him
to NASDAQ.
The third one wrote "e-beg" on his cup. Both IBM and HP sent vice
presidents to talk to him about a ...
0 Comments, 12 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Tattoo 6/18/2000
A woman goes to a tattoo artist and asks to have her boyfriends name
tattooed on her ass for a birthday present. The artist says OK what's
his name. Brandon Broncowitz says the lady. The artist says thats a
lot of letters. Maybe it would be better to just put his initials. He
will know what they stand for. She agree's, so the artist places one
B on each of her ass cheeks and she goes ...
0 Comments, 133 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
Talking Frog 6/5/2000
An errant drive took my ball into the trees and out of bounds. I
searched and searched for the lost ball. Just as I was about to give
up, I heard a voice and turned to see a frog. The frog said, "Kiss me
on the mouth and I will turn into a beautiful 25 year old nympho. I'll
wear you out." Sometime later I finally returned to the course, and to
the demands of my playing partners that I ...
0 Comments, 7 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
seven dwarves 6/3/2000
One Sunday, after mass 2 nuns were talking outside of the
church when they heard some voices coming toward them. When they
looked they saw that it was the seven dwarves. They appeared to be
chanting "Ya did it, ya did it, we KNOW ya did it!" Pretty soon Doc
says "Quiet down boys. Perhaps one of these nuns can resolve our
little problem." Doc goes up to the nuns and asks, "Sisters, I ...
0 Comments, 17 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Red Neck Birth control 5/24/2000
An Arkansaw woman goes to the doctor and says that she would like her
husband to be castrated, The doctor gave her an empty soda can and a
cherry bomb. "Light the bomb and give it to him, ask him to count to
fifteen then he'll be fine"
The woman goes home and does as he asked, confused as to why a tin
can could castrate her hubby.
"Here honey count to ten" said the woman.
The ...
0 Comments, 23 Views,
2 Votes
|
|
threes guys and a mormon 5/4/2000
Three guys and a mormon were standing around talking one day and the
first guy says , "I have 4 , one more and I'll have a basketball
team," the second guy says so.. "I have 8 , one more and I'll have
a baseball team,".. The third guy says, "SO I have 11 , one more
and I'll have a footbal team"... The mormon laughing says thats
nothing.."I've got 17 wives, one more and I'll have a ...
3 Comments, 134 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
|
|
2 lawyers in a bar 5/4/2000
Two lawyers were in a bar during happy hour sharing a beer,
when this sexy/shapley blond walks by, the first lawyer
says to his friend, "I'd love to fuck her" the second turns
and says "really, outa what?"
3 Comments, 136 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
|
|
No Kidding 4/27/2000
Someone took a poll of 38, 500 women and asked them what their
ultimate fantasy was. 97.6% of the women said their ultimate fantasy
was to have two men at once.....One doing the cooking and one doing
the cleaning... I do windows, now come I'm lonely?
And a friend sent me a list. She knows me too well:
<br>
SIGNS THAT YOU ARE NO LONGER A ........ HOW MANY ARE FAMILIAR? ...
0 Comments, 30 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Best Damn Blow Job 4/25/2000
There was this guy sitting on a park bench muttering to himself
and spitting. He would mutter, then spit, mutter, then spit, he would
say, "Damn, that sonofabitch can drive", then spit, "Damn, that
sonofabitch can drive", then spit, "Damn that sonofabitch can drive",
then spit.
A man sits down next to him and asks him, "What's going on here? You
keep saying, "Damn that sonofabitch can ...
0 Comments, 18 Views,
5 Votes
,0.86 Score
|
|
Sex on the Schedule 4/20/2000
A married couple went to see a cousilor due to an unhappy
relationship in the past two months. After listening each
of them complain about their personal lifestyles he asked
them if they even having a "sexual relationship". They
both agreed that the sex part of it is good although it's
difficult to schedule a particualar time between their
work schedules. The counsilor was flabbergasted ...
4 Comments, 176 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
|
|
City of Los Angeles High School Proficiency Test 4/20/2000
1. Johnny has an AK-47 with a forty round clip. If he misses six shots
out of ten shots and shoots thirteen times at each drive-by shooting,
how many drive-bys can he do before he has to re-load?
2. Jose has two ounces of cocaine. He sells an eight-ball to Jackson
for $320.00 and two grams to Billy for $65.00 per gram. What is the
street value of the balance of the cocaine if he doesn't ...
0 Comments, 23 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Sexy Jokes 4/17/2000
Sunbathing
<br>
A rather well proportioned young lady, Joan, spent almost all of her
vacation sunbathing on the roof of the hotel. She wore a bathing suit
the first day but, on the second, being a naturist, she decided that
no one could see her way up there, so she slipped out of it for an
overall tan.
She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She
was ...
0 Comments, 43 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
ALABAMA 3RD GRADER 4/13/2000
AN ALABAMA FAMILY MOVED TO TENNESSEE AND ENROLLED THEIR
IN ELEMENTRY SCHOOL. AFTER THE FIRST DAY THE FATHER
SAID "WELL HOW WAS YOUR FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL?" SAYS
GREAT DAD THEY HAVE A CLASS UP HERE CALLED P.E. YOU GET TO
PLAY FOR A WHOLE HOUR. AND GUESS WHAT DAD? I GOT ALL THE REBOUNDS
IN BASKETBALL. THATS CUZ YOU ARE FROM ALABAMA BOY, SAYS
DAD. AND DAD I RAN FASTER THAN EVERYBODY IN MY ...
0 Comments, 18 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
VIAGRA FOR YOU DEAR 4/13/2000
A TRAVELING SALESMAN WAS A THOUSAND MILES FROM HOME. HE
FINALLY PROCURED SOME VIAGRA FROM A STREET VENDER. HE WAS
SO EXCITED HE CALLED HOME IMMEDIATELY TO TELL HIS WIFE.
HONEY YOU KNOW IT HAS BEEN YEARS SINCE I COULD GET IT UP WITH
YOU? WELL IVE GOT VIAGRA AND I WILL BE HOME NEXT WEEK! THE
WIFE BEING SO COMPASSIONATE SAID DONT WAIT A WEEK I KNOW
ITS BEEN YEARS FOR YOU AND YOU HAVE ...
0 Comments, 27 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
free drinks 4/12/2000
THREE GUYS WERE DRINKING IN AN INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT LOUNGE.THE
FIRST GUY, FROM ENGLAND, WAS BRAGGING ABOUT HIS FAVORITE
BAR IN LONDON. "I KNOW A BAR WHERE EVERY OTHER DRINK IN FREE."
THE SECOND GUY, FROM ITALY, WAS BRAGGING ABOUT HIS FAVRITE
BAR IN ROME. "I KNOW A BAR IN ROME WHERE YOU BUY ONE DRINK THEN
THE NEXT TWO ARE FREE! THIS GOES ON ALL NIGHT BUY ONE GET TWO
FREE! WELL THE THIRD ...
0 Comments, 14 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
here are some funny jokes 4/9/2000
1)How is a woman and a tornado alike?---in the begining theres alot of
sucking and blowing but in the end you loose your house.
2)What does a woman and a condom have in common? they spend more time
in your wallet then on your dick.
3)If the dove is the true meaning of peace what bird is the true
meaning of love?....the swallow.
4)Why do women fake orgasms? because they think men ...
0 Comments, 20 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
mouth like a bird cage. 2/21/2000
Two female roomates are sitting having breakast one morning
after a pretty heavy night before. One turns to the other
an says "Boy my mouth feels like the bottom of a bird cage."
the other replies, " I'm not surprise you had a cock or twoin it last night
0 Comments, 13 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
definition of indecect? 2/1/2000
Q: Whats the definition of indecent?
A: If long enough, hard enough and in far enough its indecent!
0 Comments, 12 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
COP ON A . 12/27/1999
THIS MOUNTED POLICEMAN WAS SITING ON HIS WHEN A
ON A BRAND NEW BIKE PULLS UP. THE COP ASKES "HEY THEIR , DID SANTA
BRING YOU THAT BIKE FOR CHRISTMAS?" THE BOY REPLIES "YES SIR HE DID."
THE COP THEN SAYS "WELL NEXT YEAR TELL SANTA TO PUT A TAILLIGHT ON
THAT BIKE." AND THEN PROCEDES TO GIVE HIM A $20 DOLLAR
FINE FOR A BICYCLE SAFTEY VIOLATION. THE WAS STARTING TO RIDE OFF
WHEN HE ...
0 Comments, 15 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
ole and lena sex story 12/20/1999
lena was at the store one day and bought a pair of crotchless
panties to surprise ole with. so she went home put some music
on turned down the lights and finally put on only her new
crotchless panties and waited for ole to come home. when
he finally did come home he seen the lights were dimmed and
heard the music and then he heard lena calling hm seductively
from the bedroom .so he walks ...
0 Comments, 10 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
|
freeride 12/13/1999
Two fleas are scheduled to meet in Miami once winter hits. One arrives weeks before the other, and once the second arrives he is hypothermic and near dead. The second flea sees the first so comfortable and asks how he did it, the first replies that he simply crawls up a stewardess's dress and waits where it is nice and warm, and suggests that the other flea try the same. So the next year the ...
3 Comments, 183 Views,
9 Votes
,1.93 Score
|
|
How was Colonel Sanders a typical male? 12/3/1999
How was Colonel Sanders a typical male? All he cared about were legs,
breasts, and thighs.
1 Comments, 29 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
MY DAD HAS TWO PRICKS 11/29/1999
One day John visited his neighbor, Mr. Palmer. When he got there Mr. Palmer was painting the housing a brush, John being boastful said, "My Dad has to of those." Mr. Palmer smile at him and continued working.
Later, Mr. Palmer was doing a higher section of the house so he climbed his ladder to continue painting and again John said " My day has two ladders." Once again Mr. Palmer smiled at ...
0 Comments, 91 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
A guy walks into a bar... 11/16/1999
A guy walks into a tavern, and has a seat at the bar. As
he's sipping his drink he notices a jar stuffed with $100
bills sitting behind the cash register.
He asks the bartender "what's the deal with the jar full of
hundreds?" The bartender replies "It's a contest we have
here, whoever can complete three tasks wins the all the
money in the jar. The entry fee is $100, though.
The guy ...
0 Comments, 40 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
|
